+- WineBoard (https://www.wines.com/wineboard)
+-- Forum: GENERAL (https://www.wines.com/wineboard/forum-100.html)
+--- Forum: Wine/Food Affinities (https://www.wines.com/wineboard/forum-4.html)
+--- Thread: Etiquette question (/thread-258.html)
- Thraz - 02-16-2005
I am not sure where this question belongs, so I will try it here.
A friend is coming to dinner tonight, and told me today that he is bringing three (!) good (!!) bottles of wine. However, I already have the wine lined up. So I told him thanks, I will build our next dinner with him around his wines. My wife now tells me that was the ultimate insult - we should open his wines tonight.
So, this question: would reasonable people take my reaction as an insult (he did not seem to but I can't really tell)? Should I just forget about matching wines with dinners I host, and open whatever comes in? Or should I issue instructions not to bring wine along with the invitations?
- Thomas - 02-16-2005
Thraz, here's how I handle it.
If I am hosting a specific wine and food dinner I let the invites know whether I am supplying the wine or whether I am assigning wine to them.
I am of the attitude that when I bring a bottle of wine to someone else's home, I bring it as a gift--the gift receiver is under no obligation to open it right then, and I assume others understand that is the case when and if they bring wine to my home, unless I specifically asked them to bring it.
It's simply bad form to tell others what they can or cannot bring--unless it is special wine and food event agreed upon in advance.
- Innkeeper - 02-16-2005
Agree with Foodie. When people bring wine I haven't asked them to bring, I thank them, put it aside and serve what I intendened to serve. I have had the same thing happen to me at others places. They properly accept it as a house gift.
- hotwine - 02-16-2005
I do the same as Foodster and IK. I try to be gracious in accepting the gift, but feel no obligation to open it for that evening's dinner. I might offer to open it for a later meal that has been planned to accompany that particular wine .... might, I say... but basically regard it as a house gift. If the giver insists I open it that evening, I conclude he has a low opinion of my pairing judgment and ignore him.
- winedope1 - 02-16-2005
same here- if hosting. Nor do I get insulted if the host doesn't open my gift. It is intended as a gift and as such is entirely in the hands of the recipient. WD
- winoweenie - 02-17-2005
Same here. We take wine to almost every dinner that we're invited. It is intended as a thank you for the hosts' kindness and in no way do I expect them to pop the cork unless they have the urge. WW
- Thomas - 02-17-2005
I think Thraz deserves some special gift for asking a question the answer to which we all agree.
Of course, we haven't heard yet from Bucko. I hear the good doctor gets insulted when someone fails to bring a wine gift that costs a $150 a bottle, and when someone does he immediately vanishes for the night--alone, except for the accompanying bottle [img]http://www.wines.com/ubb2/eek.gif[/img]
[This message has been edited by foodie (edited 02-17-2005).]
- Thraz - 02-17-2005
Well he showed up with a half of Suduirant Sauternes, 500ml of Pinot Gris SGN (Pierre Sparr) (both chilled!), and a bottle of premier cru Nuits St. Georges (Domaine des Perdrix). He was clearly taken aback by my reaction earlier in the day (that I would build the next meal with him around these wines). The last thing I want to do is make a guest uncomfortable, so... we opened the Sparr (we were having foie gras anyway) and the Nuits St. Georges, and we had a discussion about this etiquette matter. It turns out I was alone at the table thinking that my approach was mainstream (granted, it was a table of three, so not very representative). But it was enough to make me think I will prepare for this in the future and adopt Foodie's approach: I will inform people that wine and food are provided. And the lesson was not painful, the wines were good...
[This message has been edited by Thraz (edited 02-17-2005).]
- californiagirl - 02-17-2005
Thraz- I agree with the others. When I host, I always supply the wine. I tend to cater to my guests. I will plan 1-2 bottles that compliment dinner, and 1 bottle for those that don't like red wine. Sad to say, but rarely do my guests bring wine. (Unless of course Dad and Judy are visiting, then they've been out tasting and come with cases! [img]http://www.wines.com/ubb2/wink.gif[/img] )
When I go to my In-Laws, I always bring wine if I intend to have any with dinner. She's of old habit. I can guarantee that she will have milk and will make sweet iced tea. I don't drink milk, and can't have caffeine. The only water in the joint is from the unfiltered chlorinated tap. So 9 out of 10, I bring wine, even if she tells me not to bring anything.