+- WineBoard (https://www.wines.com/wineboard)
+-- Forum: GENERAL (https://www.wines.com/wineboard/forum-100.html)
+--- Forum: Talk With Your Moderators (https://www.wines.com/wineboard/forum-3.html)
+--- Thread: Some mid-week snickers..... (/thread-21171.html)
- Bucko - 07-21-2004
On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"
*******************************
On a Septic Tank Truck sign:
"We're #1 in the #2 business."
**************************
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
**************************
At a Proctologist's door
"To expedite your visit please back in."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."
**************************
Pizza Shop Slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one weak."
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:
"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"
**************************
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait"
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
- tandkvd - 07-21-2004
Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!
I needed that after the day I had at work.
- winoweenie - 07-22-2004
funny stuff there Buckinshooter. E-Mail these if you can so's I can share with some of my yokel freenz. WW [img]http://wines.com/ubb2/wink.gif[/img]
- Kcwhippet - 07-22-2004
Well, here goes nothing.
WW, All you have to do is drag and clip the contents of Bucko's post, then paste into an empty MSWord document.
- Georgie - 07-22-2004
These are great! Here's a story I heard recently..I think it was about WW.... [img]http://wines.com/ubb2/smile.gif[/img]
A loud pounding on the door awakens a man and his wife at 3
o'clock in the morning. The man gets up and goes to the door where a
drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three 'clock in the
morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is three in the morning and it is pouring out!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you
remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys
helped us? I think you should help him, and should be ashamed of
yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into
the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you
still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.
- wondersofwine - 07-22-2004
In Maryland back in the 70's there was a OB/GYN named Dr. Rabbitt. I also was acquainted with a very nice military family with the last name Bozo. At the time he was a major bozo but maybe now he's a general bozo. Also in college came across a female with the embarrassing last name of Godown.
And another college coed whose Baltic-origin name Guna Bite was pronounce Goon' a
Bee tay' but looked a lot like Gonna Bite.
I should talk. My grandmother's name was Clarabelle Abel (or Able) and she married a Crabill (prounounced to rhyme with Abel).
- Georgie - 07-22-2004
Oh Lordy. You just can't make that stuff up. Priceless.
- tandkvd - 07-22-2004
News flash just in for the year 2029
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as California's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
Baby conceived naturally... Scientists stumped.
Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon).
Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.
85 year study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lb..
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
Congress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.
Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%.
Florida voters still don't know how to use a voting Machine
- winoweenie - 07-23-2004
Clip, Paste, MSdocumentary??????WW
- wondersofwine - 07-23-2004
We knew your response would be something like that. Can your grandson help you learn to cut and paste?